Dear Plaster, I’m hiding social anxiety with alcohol

Dear Ms. O’Grief,

I need your help. It was my first Frieze this year and I was a bit anxious about all the socialising at parties, so I fell into a pattern of getting a bit too turnt at openings. I’ve been leaning on alcohol as my crutch and I feel like I embarrassed myself in front of the whole art world. I had way too many vodka lime sodas and now I feel like I’ve tarnished my reputation. The verbal diarrhoea was flowing and I even tripped over in front of a load of collectors! How can I stop this vicious cycle of shame, I always take it too far.

Yours sincerely,

Too turnt to tango

Georgia says…

A story for another time, but this year was my first (and last) sober Frieze. I’m not talking Cali sober, I mean sober, sober. It was a tough going, but it was enlightening to see what it all looks like from the other side of the martini glasses.

You ‘feel’ like you embarrassed yourself in front of the art world. You may well have, but here’s the good news, I don’t think anyone noticed. It’s funny how quickly everyone loses composure when exposed to free drinks. This year, I turned up to one party at seven on the dot. Within an hour it was like the last days of Rome: wine spilled over shirts and dresses and hands roaming wet backs. In that moment, nobody cares about how they look, what they’re saying, or who they’re chatting up. The next morning, everybody’s in the same boat, hungover, and some of them are in the same bed. Letting loose is all part of the party.

That said, it is true that there can be too much of a good thing. Let’s discuss the vodka lime sodas. I hold a dear affection and a healthy disdain for this drink: it’s cheap as hell and easy to knock back, too easy. It’s easy to think that because it’s mixed you’re not drinking that much. It’s going to be hard to drink less and drink slower if you stick with these. I suggest you switch to vodka martinis. It might sound wrong, but with stronger drinks you’ll get less drunk. Unless you’re a truly experienced drinker it’s hard to knock them back. If you are experienced then you know how to hold yourself together.

Can’t trust yourself? Then swap out vodka for water. As the years go by – and they really are going by – I have greater appreciation for the simple pleasure and sophistication of a tall, iced glass of sparkling water. Sparkling water (and it should always be sparkling: still water is for joggers and dogs) exudes confidence in a way that ersatz non-alcoholic beers, wines and spirits simply don’t. I’ve impressed a number of bartenders, waiters and even occasionally sommeliers with my orders of Vichy Catalan and Châteldon.

You know what your real problem is, you said it yourself. It’s your lack of confidence. I get it, the art world isn’t very welcoming and at parties it feels like everyone’s on show. The good news is that you survived your first year, congratulations, it didn’t go so well but so what? Frieze week hasn’t gone well for anyone in recent years. There’s always next year, and you know what you’ll be walking into. You know how the parties go down, what the scene’s like, and hopefully you know a few more faces. The next time you’re lost for small talk, just chat about anything other than art. Don’t worry about embarrassing yourself, drink less, or drink water. Remember, in the land of the blind drunk, the Badoit woman is queen.

– G xo